If I Didn't Believe In You
by ElizabethanRoad
Summary: Harry has been lost for 2 years, and Hermione wants to bring him back. Oneshot. HHr.


Disclaimer: I don't own Harry Potter, or "The Last 5 Years." Nothing, nothing, nothing is mine. Kay?

A/N: So this is a Harry/Hermione songfic based on the song "If I Didn't Believe in You" from the musical 'The Last 5 Years.' My storyline is pretty literal with the song. I changed some of the lyrics to fit, but it's mostly all the same. Keep in mind though, anyone who knows "The Last 5 Years," it definitely doesn't follow that storyline. The centered bits are lyrics. Yea. Okay, so please review! I hope you all like it.

A Little Background: Harry and Hermione are 20 years old and the war ended 2 years ago. They are both engaged and living together. Since the war, Harry has been distant. Most of his friends have said that he's just still reeling from the war, but Hermione knows that someone just needs to snap him out of it. She has tried to give him time and space, but after 2 years she just wants the love of her life back. Hermione has recently completed her first book, a memoir of her years at Hogwarts fighting Voldemort. Its set to be one of the greatest novels of their time, and all of her friends are very excited. But suddenly, Harry gets moody and refuses to go. This is the snapping point for Hermione's tolerance of distant Harry. Thus: We begin.

If I Didn't Believe in You

There are people  
And they are publishing my book  
And there's a party that they're throwing  
And while you've made it very clear that you're not going  
I will be going  
And that's done

"Okay! I get it!" Hermione Granger yelled, walking out of the bedroom she shared with her fiancé, Harry Potter. "You don't want to go."

Grabbing a cup and pouring coffee into it, she continued to grumble angrily and sit down at the kitchen table, "Its just the launch of my first book. Its just the thing I've been looking forward to for a year and a half. Its just really important to me."

"Hermione, I'm sorry," Harry said as he wandered into the kitchen, "I just really don't feel like going out. I just want to stay home."

"Come on. At least be honest," Hermione scoffed.

But what's it really about?  
Is it really about a party, Harry?  
Can we please for a minute stop blaming  
And say what you feel?  
Is it just that you're disappointed  
To be touring again for the summer?  
Did you think this would all be much easier  
Than it's turned out to be?  
Well, then talk to me, Harry  
Talk to me

"What do you mean? I'm being honest with you. Stop trying to read more into this." He replied.

"This can't be just about your not wanting to go to my release party. And stop trying to pin this on me. You're the one who doesn't want to go." Hermione drowned her coffee with a sigh, and stood to get more.

Harry countered with a sigh as huge as hers, and sat down at the table that she had just vacated. Hermione took a sip of her new cup of coffee and leaned against the island, looking at Harry with concerned eyes.

"What is it, Potter? I figured you'd be kind of excited for me tonight. Is it just that you're upset to be thrown in the public eye again? I know how happy you were when all of our appearances were over, after Voldemort's fall. I know you hate the reporters, and you probably figured we were done with them. Merlin, Harry. I'm totally okay with any of that. Just talk to me, Harry. Tell me."

Harry continued to look away from Hermione, but his scowl softened. "Hermione, I don't know. I feel alone. I don't want to go."

If I didn't believe in you  
We'd never have gotten this far  
If I didn't believe in you  
And all of the ten thousand men that you are  
If I didn't think you could do  
Anything you ever wanted to  
If I wasn't certain that you'd come through somehow  
The fact of the matter is, Harry  
I wouldn't be standing here now

"Harry Potter, you are never alone. Don't you get it? I believe in you, in a way no one else ever could. Harry, if I didn't believe in you, we couldn't be where we are now. If I didn't believe in you," Hermione smiled pensively for a moment, "and all of the ten thousand amazing people you have fitting in that one tiny head, we wouldn't have gotten this far."

Hermione walked over to the table, and took a seat next to Harry. She gathered his hands in hers, and held them over the table, gazing into his eyes.

"If I wasn't sure that you could do anything that you ever wanted to, I wouldn't be at your side. The fact of the matter is, if I wasn't so certain that you'd make it through somehow, I definitely wouldn't be sitting here now."

Harry looked back into Hermione's eyes, and looked as if he was about to say something, but then turned away from her and walked to look out of the bay window.

With a sigh, he finally began his sentence, "I….I don't know…." He mumbled off incoherently, and Hermione took this as her signal to continue.

If I didn't believe in you  
We wouldn't be having this fight  
If I didn't believe in you  
I'd walk out the door and say,  
"Sure, Harry, you're right"  
But I never could let that go  
Knowing the things about you I know  
Things, when I met you four years ago, I knew  
It never took much convincing  
To make me believe in you

"If I didn't believe in you, I wouldn't be here arguing with you. I would just accept that you really just didn't want to attend this one party, and I'd walk out the door." Harry turned to face her, looking interested. "But don't you see? I never could be okay with that, Harry. Because I know things about you, about how amazing you are. I've known all along, ever since I met you 10 years ago. It never took much convincing to make me believe in everything about you."

Hermione stood and walked back to lean against the countertop again, her face contorted as if she didn't necessarily want to continue, but she knew she had to.

Don't we get to be happy, Harry?  
At some point down the line  
Don't we get to relax?  
Without some new tsuris  
To push me yet further from you?  
If I'm cheering on your side, Harry  
Why can't you support mine?  
Why do I have to feel  
I've committed some felony  
Doing what I always swore I would do?

"But Harry, don't we get to be happy!" Hermione practically shouted.

Harry's head jerked suddenly to look at her, as this was such as sharp contrast to her former statements.

"What? We get to be happy… What are you even talking about?" Harry said angrily.

"I'm mad at you, Harry! You are still war-torn. I understand, but it's been over for two years. You're still tortured but the ghosts of your past, and Voldemort. I get it! But eventually don't we get to get past it? When can we just be a happy normal couple?" Hermione paused for a moment, to catch her breath, still staring Harry down.

"That isn't fair Hermione, and you know it." He said, with a cold edge.

"You aren't being fair! I know I'll never really get what its like to be in your position. But I fought beside you! I experienced it too. When do I get to love and adore you like you deserve, without being on point all the time? You're still reeling; you're still hurt by it all, I know. But I should be able to relax and tell you I love you, without being afraid that it'll trigger your anger. You aren't the carefree kid that you once were, and rightfully so. But I feel like all my attempts to help just push me further from you!"

"Mione-"Harry interjected.

"No, Harry!" Hermione barked out. "I'm not near finished." She took a few more calming breaths, and then started again.

"I'm always supporting you, and I always have. But if I'm cheering on your side, Harry, why can't you support mine? Why, every time that I try to comfort you, to I have to feel like I've committed a crime for doing what I always told you I'd do. Can you honestly still tell me this is all about the stupid party for my book?"

"No. I can't." Harry said quietly, returning his gaze to the window.

Hermione needed more contact. She walked quickly to his place and grabbed his hands, and held them, dangling, between the two 20 year olds.

I don't want you to hurt  
I don't want you to sink  
But you know what I think?  
I think you'll be fine!  
Just hang on and you'll see-  
But don't make me wait till you do  
To be happy with you  
Will you listen to me?  
No one can give you courage  
No one can thicken your skin  
I will not fail so you can be comfortable, Harry  
I will not lose because you can't win

"I don't want this to hurt you, and I don't want to make you more depressed. But you know what? You are going to be fine! You are going to get past this and be who you are meant to be! Just hang on, and you'll see."

With wet eyes, Hermione pulled Harry's hands up in hers, and held them to her chest, pulling them closer.

"But please, Harry. Don't make me wait to be happy until you can be."

Harry looked away from her, to the floor.

"Will you listen to me!" Hermione barked out, bringing him back to attention and reconnected to her eyes.

"No one can give you the courage to get over it all, and no one can thicken your skin for you. You have to do it yourself, but I want to help. But I will not fail to live my life so that you can be comfortable hiding, Harry. I will not lose because you can't force yourself to win again."

Tears were suddenly falling openly from Hermione's eyes, and threatened to do the same from Harry's. The pair simply stood looking at each other for a minute, each trying to gather their thoughts into words.

If I didn't believe in you  
Then here's where our long road ends  
If I didn't believe in you  
I couldn't have stood before all of our friends  
And said, "This is the life I choose-  
This is the thing I can't bear to lose  
Trip us or trap us, but we refuse to fall"  
That's what I thought we agreed on, Harry  
If I hadn't believed in you  
I wouldn't have loved you at all

Hermione let Harry's hands fall and looked straight up at him, willing her tears to stop.

"If I didn't believe in you," Hermione began, "then we would be ending right now. If I didn't believe in you, I couldn't have stood before the entire ministry, and all of our friends, and said yes when you proposed at the charity ball. I couldn't have look them all in the eyes and said this is the life I choose- this is the thing I can't bear to lose. Trip us or trap us, but we refuse to fall."

Harry kept his eyes locked with hers as he moved his arms up to circle Hermione's waist tentatively, just as she grabbed his shoulders tightly.

"I thought that was we what agreed on Harry. I thought that was what our plan was. But you're not happy. But you should know, that if I hadn't believed in you…….I wouldn't have loved you at all."

Neither moved for a good thirty seconds. Taking this as being defeated, Hermione began to turn away from Harry and walk towards the door. Harry let her go.

But only for 10 seconds.

Then he quickly walked towards her, grabbed her arm, and pulled her into him, ready for an embrace like they hadn't had in years.

He didn't expect her to pull away.

"Harry, I'm sorry. But I can't do it anymore. You can hug me and say that it'll change, but I'm not willing to take your word for it. I've always believed in you, but I can't keep doing it when you don't believe in yourself. I just can't."

Hermione turned, picked up her coat and walked to her door.

She didn't expect him to refuse to see her walk away.

Harry grabbed his coat and jetted to the door after her, grabbing her by the waist and pulling her into him, so that their foreheads were touching. He reached a hand behind her to shut the half-opened door to their flat.

"Harry…" Hermione sighed, trying to pull back. "What are you doing? I just told you-"

"You wanted me back, here I am. You know that the Harry you knew at school couldn't ever let you leave. Merlin, Hermione,I know its all over. The war, Voldemort. But I've always been the guy who would rather gripe than let it go. Remember fifth year? Really If my choices are snapping back or losing you, well there isn't really a contest, is there?" Harry's eyes bored into Hermione's, and her face softened slightly.

"Harry. I told you. I can't do this. It has to be over."

"No, it doesn't. In fact, it can't. For two reasons actually. One, I love you. And I may have been an ass for the past 700 odd days of our lives, but I'm will not let you go. Two, you don't really want to show up at your own release party without a date, do you?" Hermione looked up at him, appalled that he would say that, to see him smirking.

"Jerk." Hermione mumbled, unable to keep her smile hidden as she whacked Harry on the shoulder.

"In all seriousness, I'm sorry. And I love you." Harry said, all semblance of joking gone. He pulled Hermione closer by the belt loops on her pants, and moved his mouth close to her ear.

"I may have lost my belief in myself, but I want to get it back. I really do." Harry said, knowing that she was probably blushing, as Hermione always did when his breath tickled her face. "And you should know," He continued, " Through it all, I've always believed in you."

Hermione pulled away from him, a light smile on her face. "Let's go," she whispered, lacing her fingers through his.

As he closed the door behind then Harry questioned jokingly, "Wait… what are we going to again? You did something kind of important right?"

"Fantastic…" Hermione grumbled sarcastically, "You ARE back."

Right then and there, Harry spun her into him and kissed her full on the lips. They both smiled into the kiss and relished the moment.

Yea, he was back.

A/N: Please Review!


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